Skip to main content

Jesus I Trust in You

Trust! This is such an easy word to say, but for me it is a hard word to follow. My whole vocation has revolved around this one word. My name is Miranda Edgar. I am 19 years old and I grew up in Hot Springs, Arkansas. I recently entered the convent after graduating high school in May. I was your normal teenager. I loved to hang out with my friends, listen to music, go to all the school games, text/talk on the phone, and go to church.

I attended high school with over 800 students, but only 10 of them were Catholic. Therefore my friends weren’t attending Mass on Sunday and they weren’t going to the parish youth group to learn about the Catechism. Because I didn’t want to be different, I ran away from the Church and tried to find meaning in the world. I began to date my freshman year of high school, but no matter who I dated I always had this longing in my heart. I was never able to say, “I love you,” to any of them because of this hole that they couldn’t fill. I became very confused because my dream was to grow up, have the perfect husband, the perfect children (3 boys & 3 girls), and, well, what I thought was the perfect life. In this confusion, I felt Christ asking me to Trust in Him even though everything seemed unclear.

Longing for meaning in my life, I joined the parish youth group and began to fall in love with the Catholic Church. This caused me to immerse myself in my faith; I went to every retreat and joined every council possible in the Diocese of Little Rock. My faith became the most important part of my life making everything else seem obsolete. Because of this love, I made new friends in the Church and everything seemed to be falling into place. But God wasn’t quite done yet; He was still asking me to trust Him.

The happiness I had found began to turn into a longing; an emptiness in my heart that wanted to give Him everything. The summer before my senior year, my best friend tricked me into living the life of a sister. She told me that we were going to a convent for “mission work,” but this was God’s way of opening my eyes to His plan for me. We arrived at the convent after eight long hours of driving and were informed that wake up was at 4 am. I remember thinking that this is not for me; “I don’t even wake up until 7:45 on school days and class starts at 8.” The next morning came fast and my life seemed to flash before my eyes: daily Eucharist, prayer, mission work, and Jesus could be mine everyday for the rest of my life. I was drawn by the Sisters who were so on fire for Christ and I longed to be filled with His joy.

Once I began to pray about entering religious life I became very scared. All I could think about was what I would have to give up if I entered. I mean- I did have the perfect life planned out: college, mission work, marriage, and children. I knew this couldn’t be for me because I already had everything planned and felt that I wasn’t good enough to be a sister and that I didn’t have anything to offer. Once again that word was whispered into my heart, “Trust,” it’s that simple.

So I began to let go of my plans and surrender to His, and a year later I entered the community that I had visited, the community that I had felt His first loving invitation to be His bride. “Jesus I Trust in You.”

Comments

Mary said…
I found this all very useful and affirming. Thank you for sharing it.
Anonymous said…
Good job. Yes, you are right we do have to let go of our plans and surrender ourselves to His will
Anonymous said…
Your faith and conviction, even in times as unsure as these, is truly inspiring :)
Anonymous said…
I loved this testimony. Your new family has one great new sister. You give me hope for this new generation.

Popular posts from this blog

Welcome to our Family, Postulants!!!

Today, on the Feast of the Birth of Mary, our new postulants entered the postulancy of our American Province of the Sisters of St. Francis of the Martyr St. George! We thank God for the gift of these vocations. Pictured above - on their very first full day in the convent - are (from left) Ashley Vola, Samantha Goodson, Miranda Edgar, Jennifer Clark and Erin Leis. Welcome, Postulants! We Sisters are grateful that you have accepted Christ's invitation to belong totally to Him in our Franciscan community, and we support you wholeheartedly with our prayers and help! If you would like to send a word of welcome and encouragement to these new postulants, we will pass the greetings along to them. Just leave them as a "comment"!

Looking Back with Gratitude

“Christ is calling you; the Church needs you; the Pope believes in you and he expects great things of you!” My life would never be the same as the words of John Paul II coursed through my mind and beat with fervor in my heart. Me? Could he possibly mean me? Like many others, I felt Pope John Paul II was speaking directly to me as I sat behind him in the nose-bleed section of the stadium in Saint Louis. Throughout my high school years after this encounter, the idea of having a possible vocation to the religious life shocked and bewildered me, but at the same time brought me such peace. As each year came and went, my relationship with Jesus Christ and His Church grew with greater depth, understanding, and love. Through daily mass, Eucharistic Adoration, the Rosary, Scripture and God’s divine intervention through his priests and religious, I soon realized that, yes, the Pope did mean me. Christ was calling me and how could I say no? After one year of college, I soon came to the realizatio

Journey with Mary: Sacrificial Love of Spiritual Motherhood

                Recently, I found a reflection I had written during my first retreat as a postulant. The last conference that had been given was on Spiritual Motherhood. As I approached the 4 th Station where Jesus meets His Sorrowful Mother, this is what struck my heart:                 What is the sacrificial love of a mother? It is the self-sacrifice made to love her children. Mary’s self-sacrifice to be there with Christ, her Son, in His passion was the selfless love that united her with Him. Her heart was pierced with 7 swords in the agony of watching her beloved Son endure a cross that He did not deserve, but which He embraced for the love of the Father and mankind. Could she not have said to Jesus, “You don’t have to do this, there are other ways. Do you know how much pain You are causing me and those who love you?” She knew He could have chosen any other way to save us, but this was the Father’s will, and so in silent love Mary trusted. If the world is suffering, why do y