February 26, 2011
Jesus I Trust in You
I attended high school with over 800 students, but only 10 of them were Catholic. Therefore my friends weren’t attending Mass on Sunday and they weren’t going to the parish youth group to learn about the Catechism. Because I didn’t want to be different, I ran away from the Church and tried to find meaning in the world. I began to date my freshman year of high school, but no matter who I dated I always had this longing in my heart. I was never able to say, “I love you,” to any of them because of this hole that they couldn’t fill. I became very confused because my dream was to grow up, have the perfect husband, the perfect children (3 boys & 3 girls), and, well, what I thought was the perfect life. In this confusion, I felt Christ asking me to Trust in Him even though everything seemed unclear.
Longing for meaning in my life, I joined the parish youth group and began to fall in love with the Catholic Church. This caused me to immerse myself in my faith; I went to every retreat and joined every council possible in the Diocese of Little Rock. My faith became the most important part of my life making everything else seem obsolete. Because of this love, I made new friends in the Church and everything seemed to be falling into place. But God wasn’t quite done yet; He was still asking me to trust Him.
The happiness I had found began to turn into a longing; an emptiness in my heart that wanted to give Him everything. The summer before my senior year, my best friend tricked me into living the life of a sister. She told me that we were going to a convent for “mission work,” but this was God’s way of opening my eyes to His plan for me. We arrived at the convent after eight long hours of driving and were informed that wake up was at 4 am. I remember thinking that this is not for me; “I don’t even wake up until 7:45 on school days and class starts at 8.” The next morning came fast and my life seemed to flash before my eyes: daily Eucharist, prayer, mission work, and Jesus could be mine everyday for the rest of my life. I was drawn by the Sisters who were so on fire for Christ and I longed to be filled with His joy.
Once I began to pray about entering religious life I became very scared. All I could think about was what I would have to give up if I entered. I mean- I did have the perfect life planned out: college, mission work, marriage, and children. I knew this couldn’t be for me because I already had everything planned and felt that I wasn’t good enough to be a sister and that I didn’t have anything to offer. Once again that word was whispered into my heart, “Trust,” it’s that simple.
So I began to let go of my plans and surrender to His, and a year later I entered the community that I had visited, the community that I had felt His first loving invitation to be His bride. “Jesus I Trust in You.”